A “Mind” is a Terrible thing to Waste

“A penis…
              with a mind…
                            would be a terrible thing to waste”

Before you laugh off this statement
Use the brain in your other head for something
besides taking up space.

Men have been known to use the excuse
That “my dick has a mind of it’s own”
If that’s the case, women tend to debate,
It never has a brain at home.

A smart penis with a well tuned brain
could really be quite beneficial
But women of the world will tell you different
It should be crucified and ordained an ornament superficial.

Just think of sex education
taking on a whole new meaning
we would have Penile Professors teaching the “ins and outs”
of the sexual experience and proper pleasing

Think of the number of unwanted pregnancies
that could be cut to incidence of rare inception
Because the only penis not knowing about safe sex
would be the ones that failed the course on contraception

And the fear of contracting a life altering STD
would almost be completely eliminated
because the high number of graduates from the University of “P”ness
would be sophisticated, stimulated, and educated

Could you imagine a Dick with a high I.Q.
that knew just what a woman wants and needs?
Fake orgasms would be a myth of the past
And multiple orgasms would “cum” with a guarantee

A smart Dick could regulate and hold out
to deliver gratifying stimulation
and a woman would never have the disappointment
of a dealing with premature ejaculation.

Parents would have to say something new
Instead of “if you had a brain, you’d take it out and play with it”
A man with a smart dick would leave it where it is
knowin’ proven results would make ya wanna’ stay with it.

and don’t forget Dads old favorite stand by
“If you had a brain you’d be dangerous!”
Remember the man with an uneducated penis
tends to cause more problems being overly spontaneous


Just think how far the Scarecrow could have gone
If he would’ve shared the wealth from his head
He and Dorothy could rolled in his own stack of hay,
or even the Wicked Witch’s Bed

              I really could make Dorothy Scream
                           Instead of having all these wet dreams
                                         If my penis had brain…

              Sex could be much sweeter
                           If I had a thinking Peter
                                         If my penis had a brain

So women the next time your man uses the excuse
That his dick has a “mind of it’s own”,
Tell him he better invest in a proper education
before he and his ignorant penis are disowned.

     R. L. Stephenson has been livin' with the cactus and horny toads for many years. It certainly has affected his views, not to mention the few dances with peyote doin' the same. Slingin' hash, or grub to most folks, being an accomplished Executive Chef has put the groceries in the fridge and a roof over his head. He is editor/publisher of Whoopeecat Press. His work appears on various websites. Accomplishments - chapbook: "Nola in the Streets" and "Howlin' Cat Blues" - 15 poem CD.